In the Public Interest by Child Abuse Survivors and their Advocates in their Pursuit of Justice, Recognition, Recovery and Redress.
So what is life like for a survivor?
Description: There have been many studies done on the effects of childhood sexual abuse. When a child is growing up, their mind is still for
Article originally prepared on : 11 January 2016
So what is life like for a survivor?
Part One.
To answer that, we have to go back to the abuse.
There have been many studies done on the effects of childhood sexual abuse. When a child is growing up, their mind is still forming. The schemas or the core program of the brain is still being formed. When children are young, their world revolves around their parents or primary care-givers.
Parents or care-givers are the primary source of safety, security, love, understanding, nurturance and support. Child abuse violates the trust at the core of a child's relationship with the world .When the primary relationship is one of betrayal, a negative schema or set of beliefs develops. Where this is teachers or other authority figures, there is a lack of trust in authority. For those of us brought up in a religious family, we associate the clergy to be closer to God. They are God's representatives on earth. To a child God is all powerful and omnipresent. To be raped by clergy adds another dimension. As God is good, therefore we must be bad. We will go to Hell and burn forever. Our spiritual development is affected. When the child's schemas are finalised, these things become set. Another way of thinking of it, is to look at a computer. The operating system is the core program.
Anything that runs on the computer has to reference back to the core program. Unlike a computer, we cannot simply reprogram it. Our schemas are set for life.
Studies have shown that if a child disclosed the abuse and has adequate support from family, peers and professionals that the damage can be limited. Unfortunately this is not the case for most. It is hard for a child to disclose abuse to adults, and it usually takes around 15 years for women and 25 years for men to disclose.
Survivors often experience conflictual relationships and chaotic lifestyles, frequently report difficulties forming adult intimate attachments and display behaviours that threaten and disrupt close relationships. Many survivors' lives are characterized by frequent crises e.g. job disappointments, relocations, failed relationships, financial setbacks. Many are the result of unresolved childhood abuse issues. The reasons are complex, but for many survivors ongoing internal chaos prevents the establishment of regularity, predictability and consistency. Many survivors function in ‘crisis mode', responding with stopgap measures which don't resolve the underlying issues. This can be exhausting and dispiriting and contribute to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Some of the behaviours that children will do to help them get through the abuse will hamper them in later life. For example, being able to turn off, or disassociate. It will allow the child to survive the abuse, but later in life the adult will continue to do this, which impacts on relationships.
Documented long term effects are:
• Self-destructive behaviours like alcohol abuse, drug abuse, workaholics, self-harm
• Greater risk of suicide and premature deaths
• Greater risk of mental health disorders like depression, PTSD, Anxiety, eating disorders
• Poor physical health with increased risk of Heart disease, chronic pain, cancer, osteoarthritis, chronic spinal pain and frequent headaches
• Aggression, Insomnia, disassociation, unhappiness, isolation, social disconnection, homelessness, low self esteem
• Problems maintaining relationships
Doctors have found structural and functional differences in the brain between children raped and those who were not.
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/014521349290011F
http://www.sciencedirect.com.science/article/pii014521349290011F
https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/long-term-effects-child-sexual-abuse
http://www.asca.org.au/WHAT-WE-DO/Resources/Gerneral-information/Impact-of-child-abuse
Part Two.
In short, the effects of the abuse do not end when the abuse ends.
So, with that out of the way, I'll tell you about my days
I wake up most days at a reasonable hour to do things like taking the kids to school. I'll get home then crash most days and have to sleep again. This is as a result of terrible sleep. Some nights I'll wake up from nightmares. Others I will have fitful sleep. Most nights I can't stop the thoughts in my head and I can't get to sleep. I try not to use sleeping tablets because of the residual effects and addictive properties.
I will then do a few jobs around the house. Most days I have some sort of appointments to attend. I regularly see my GP, Psychologist and Psychiatrist. I have a men's group meeting at CASA, and I try to catch up with other survivors and friends. Anxiety is a problem, and I find it hard to go out alone, which is why I try to meet up with others. If we go to a café, you will find us either at the back, or against a wall where we can watch other people. I am always on alert.
I am one of the few who has a family. I will try to spend some time with them. My relationship is strained and it's hard on everyone. I am also lucky that I have a shed where I can go to give my family a break, and I can try to use my hands to get me out of my head. It doesn't always work.
Of an evening I will watch TV or be on the computer. A lot of the time I am just lost in my head. I might try to listen to music. Other days it doesn't work. I struggle to even read a newspaper.
But some days I am fine. I have heaps of energy. I can do anything, so I take advantage of those days. I get things done. I go out shopping. I am a normal person. But I don't know which days I will be like this. The inconsistency is the worst thing. A good day can turn bad if I am triggered by something. I might see something on TV, or read about something, or see someone who reminds me of the past.
Unfortunately, most people see me when I am good, so they presume that that is how I always am. I can go days without answering the phone or seeing anyone. I can sleep nearly all day. I may not eat for a day or two. I can force myself to do things, knowing that there will be a cost – I will crash for a while. The Royal Commission hearings is a good example. I pushed myself to two weeks. I crashed at night, got to hearings late, but I did it. Then I crashed for a few weeks after.
But I have learned to accept this. I have had lots of therapy, and if this is as good as my life gets, then I can handle it. There are a lot of people out there who are worse off than I am. It wasn't always like this. My addiction was work. When I was in my senior years at school I had a part time job and played sport. I was always busy. Being busy stopped me from remembering. From the moment I left school I stayed busy. I worked full time and studied. I had two jobs. I had multiple businesses. But it's like holding a beach ball under the water. At first it's easy. Then your arms become tired, and it gets harder. Then there is nothing you can do and the ball will shoot out of the water.
At around age 40 I had a breakdown. When I stopped, everything came back, and there was no way to put the ball back under the water. I am lucky I had a few things that nearly all other victims don't have. I don't drink or do drugs. I could never allow myself to not be in control. When working I had to be in charge. I had to be in control. As a child, I wasn't in control. I had income protection insurance, so I am not reliant upon the pension. I can afford unlimited professional medical care. And I have a family. These protective factors have meant that my life is nowhere near as bad as others. Some of the others don't get out. They have to rely upon government benefits and the Medicare system. This sees them getting help from crisis to crisis only. I have tried to take my own life multiple times. Many of my peers have succeeded. If you couldn't imagine living my life, then just imagine how lost most victims are.
Through no fault of their own, they are leading lives that people don't see. They are hidden. The abuses that they suffered as children have sentenced them to a life of pain and suffering.
So why don't they just sue?
They can't. Depending on where the abuse happened, there are time limits to reporting crime. Some states are lifting these, but for others they are out of time. If they can, then they face a huge problem. The perpetrators are usually old or dead. If they are clergy then most take vows of poverty. If you can sue the organisation, then they usually have any assets tied up in trusts, which due to the Ellis Defence by the Catholic Church, means that the trusts can't be sued. So the only action available is to engage a lawyer to try to negotiate a settlement. The church will negotiate, but they compare any potential settlements to be in line with victims of crime compensation. VOC was set up to compensate people where either the perpetrator was unknown or had no assets. It is a minimal scheme of last resort. This has seen victims get compensation for around 20 to 40 thousand dollars, less legal fees, which are usually high. For a life that had been wrecked, they can struggle to buy a new Falcon or Commodore. And this is after they have been paid compensation by one of the richest entities on the planet. To get this compensation takes years, and is very stressful. Victims have been accused of playing a part in their own abuse. They have their addictions etc held against them. Some will get a lot more. Often it is easier to not bother. In most cases there is no consideration given to victims immediate needs. The church will engage lawyers to minimise any settlements. Victims are treated as adversaries, not as a part of the church that has been abused by that church.
But didn't the Royal Commission come up with a scheme?
Yes it did, but it is only a recommendation. It would be an easier to access scheme, but the Federal Government has refused to put it into place. It will offer sums from 10 to 200 thousand, with an average of around 60,000. To get a large sum will require the victim to be assessed through a matrix. This ranks the abuses on a scale, which is crazy. The abuse isn't the issue, whether a child was digitally, orally or anally raped and by how many people over what time period etc is not the problem. The problem is the effects of the abuse. In addition, this sum will be a lump sum to cover everything. There needs to be a lump sum for the pain and suffering of the past. Then there needs to be ongoing care and support. Not everyone will need the ongoing care, and some will only need it for a short time. But if it is not there, then the victims will be back in the same position after a short time. You also have to question why a person who falls over in a supermarket with temporary problems can be paid around $400,000 while a victim who has suffered rape as a child and that rape has affected their entire life and will continue to do so might be paid around 60,000 if the Federal Government decides to ever implement a scheme. Something is wrong here.
So please, when you hear of or see a victim of childhood sexual abuse, it is not historical. We live with it every day. It has affected our entire lives. We will die early. If we could change it we would. A payment of $40,000 to $60,000 will make very little difference and is unjust. And most survivors are struggling to survive. We want to survive, but we haven't. We are still victims.
Andrew Collins.
