Clare Linane on survivors to stop picking at the scabs of their history

Description: To those who think it is not necessary for the survivors to go face Pell, and perhaps are a bit sick of hearing about all this

Article originally prepared on : 19 February 2016

Meshel Laurie, thank you. To those who think it is not necessary for the survivors to go face Pell, and perhaps are a bit sick of hearing about all this ( isn't it time for survivors to stop picking at the scabs of their history?), my response is this.

First of all, get in the queue. We're all sick of hearing about this. None more so than the survivors themselves. Not to mention their partners, children, and friends. But the reality is, their whole lives were changed forever when the organisation that was supposed to protect them, didn't. In fact didn't only fail to protect them, but KNOWINGLY shuffled the pedophiles to new parishes, to abuse more children. When the survivors are convinced this will not happen again; when they see a genuine remorse and strategy by the church to rid itself of it's culture of pedophilia, THEN they might stop 'picking at the scabs'.

Second of all, would you change your viewpoint if every few months or so one of your old school-friends committed suicide? Would you then think, 'hmmm perhaps this is a big issue. Perhaps they do deserve to look a man in the eyes who had the ability to help them but didn't; who still has the ability to help but doesn't'. This is what these survivors live with. My husband knows SO MANY former school mates who have committed suicide. Every few months we hear of another, and every time I see the anguish in his eyes that he wasn't able to help, to stop them, to get them to see there is hope. Our sons, brothers, cousins, fathers, daughters, sisters, mothers who were abused as children within the Catholic Church....they are still ending their lives. When these people are getting the assistance they need, THEN the survivors might stop'picking at the scabs'.

Third, from what I have learnt from Survivors, being abused as a child is like being injected with a venomous toxin. The abuser is a man of God, so surely the problem is you, not him? You are filled with shame and self-disgust and confusion. You suppress what is happening, because, after all, who is going to believe your word against Gods? As you become an adult, you try to out-run the memories with alcohol, drugs,violence, promiscuity, gambling, by being a workaholic...anything to numb yourself. Then finally, finally - if you are one of the lucky ones - you admit to yourself that the abuse is still controlling your life.You begin to think, I was only a child...it wasn't my fault. Why didn't anyone stop it? You start to work through the long, challenging, painful process of getting the venom out of you. It can take years. When the venom is out, your life still won't be normal but at least you will want to live. You will feel some peace and self-love. You can let your wound heal knowing that the 'scab' is not hiding anything sinister, any more.