7/05/2004 6:15 AM email to Counselor

When Herbie tore the gate to get into the presbytery - it was not the first time he had been there that day - there were Knights of the Southern Cross at the presbytery - he had been locked out - they chained the metal gate to keep him out - that was when I saw him pacing up and down the hill - up towards his place and back  - he pounded at the gate - the men on the other side talked to him - he stood there a little while then reached up to the top of the gate and pulled it - the whole fence shook - he must have got his hand through the gap and tore the top of the gate down enough so that he could climb in - there was shouting from the men inside.

There were a number of other men at the Presbytery - they had been summoned urgently - they were "The Knights of the Southern Cross" - there had been a terrible row amongst them - I could hear from across the street the fight that went on there - there were men shouting and what sounded like people struggling - things crashing against the fence - I heard Herbie shouting about me and about [family member name] and about the priest - more men arrived speeding in their cars - they ran into the presbytery - I think this was late in the afternoon. It went quiet for a while - I was really scared as everyone (my family) had been told to get inside - I was hiding in the hedge at the front near the tap - I knew dad would find me there - I jumped the fence and hid in amongst the trees in the neighbours yard - I saw him and others looking for me - when they were all inside I climbed back and hid again in the corner of the fence and the hedge - I think a brown colored ambulance came and drove into the Church/presbytery - it had all gone quiet over there - it came out again not long after - that must have been Herbie being taken to hospital - there were cars back and forward all the rest of that day. Someone came to our house and told my father and mum stuff about what had happened. I was something about Herbie having a siesure because had had not taken his insulin that day and other stuff which was just not true. Mum seemed really frightened by it all.

Cant be sure if it was that day or - no I think it was another day (a school day) that the priest had visited her with some other people - I came home for lunch - she was (not sure how to describe that - she looked very tired and was hugging herself to keep warm - her voice was shaky - she told me I was not allowed to visit Herbie in the hospital - the priest had said the Herbie did not want any visitors, he did not want to see me - specifically me - I argued with her - she said I would get a thrashing from my father and that she would not be able to stop him or the church from what they would do - I was stopped a number of times from trying to see him - dragged home by brothers and neighbours - once by [neighbours name] - his wife  [neighbours wife's name] had spotted me trying to sneak down the hill - he caught me and dragged me back home. It was an incredibly tense time with regular visits by priests and neighbours and men who I knew to be members of the Knights of the Southern Cross - they put incredible pressure on mum - again here there was talk of excommunication - they threatened mum with that she defied them - I think she folded when they threatened excommunication of my father and the rest of the family. They leant on her as they knew she was the only one who could control me. Not sure how many whippings and beatings I got during that time (from my father) and at school by nuns and older boys. The priest had forbidden everybody from talking about it.

I did get away and I did get to see Herbie in the hospital - I was driven home once when I went in the front way and asked where he was - that caused a stir there (at the hospital) I tell you. The second time I went in the front way I just ran straight through but got caught again -  I went there one day straight after school - had said that I was going to watch the steam trains - I got to see him through the window - he smiled and waved at me - he was sitting up in bed - there was tea and stuff on the tray thing for him - he smiled and waved for me to come around through the door and have tea and biscuits with him. I was tackled from behind - I fought them - I could see Herbie was being held down by a big nurse - she was shouting and then there were other people running into his room - he was fighting them - I didnt get to see any more as I was dragged away - that was the last i saw him - he died the next day I think.

The priest at that time must have known about my assault and  [family member name] assault - he was the one who was blocking me from seeing Herbie in the hospital. I know he was regularly visiting mum in the mornings when we were at school - she was afraid he would come to the house again.

My mum was shocked and afraid. Have recollections of mum crying and pleading with me not to go back to the hospital as it would only cause everybody a lot more trouble.

The policeman  [name] was in all of this somewhere.

Again there was talk about excommunication - mentions of the bishop from melbourne and how was it that Herbie was to get a church funeral when my family thought/understood that he had been excommunicated. My dad was not sure if we could go to the church for Herbies funeral because he thought we had all been excommunicated. I think there was a lot of crap about this - he visited the presbytery to get permission for mum and I to go to his funeral.

Life at school became a lot worse hell for me after that episode. Beatings at school everyday and punishment from the nuns and then again everyday when I got home from dad.