Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse: some things we would like you to understand

Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse: some things we wouldlike you to understand

1. We grew up feeling veryisolated and vulnerable, a feeling that continues into our adultlives.

2. Our early development hasbeen interrupted by abuse, which either holds us back or pushesus ahead developmentally.

3. Sexual abuse has influencedall parts of our lives. Not dealing with it is like ignoring anopen wound. Our communication style, our self-confidence, and ourtrust levels are affected.

4. Putting thoughts andfeelings related to our abuse "on the back burner" doesnot make them go away. The only way out is to go through theseemotions and process them.

5. Our interest in sexualactivity will usually decline while we are dealing with thisearly trauma. This is because: •we are working on separatingthe past from the present. •pleasure and pain can sometimesbe experienced simultaneously. •it is important for us to bein control, since control is what we lacked as children.•Sometimes we need a lot of space. Pressuring us to have sexwill only increase our tension.

6. We often experience physicaldiscomforts, pains, and disorders that are related to ouremotions.

7. We often appear to beextremely strong while we are falling apart inside.

8. There is nothing wrong withus as survivors -- something wrong was DONE to us.

9. Sometimes others getimpatient with us for not "getting past it" sooner.Remember, we are feeling overwhelmed, and what we need is yourpatience and support. Right now, it is very important for us toconcentrate on the past. We are trying to reorganize our wholeoutlook on the world; this won't happen overnight.

10. Your support is extremelyimportant to us. Remember; we have been trained to hold thingsin. We have been trained NOT to tell about the abuse. We did nottell sooner for a variety of reasons: we were fearful about howyou would react, what might happen, etc. We have been threatenedverbally and/or nonverbally to keep us quiet, and we live withthat fear.

11. Feeling sorry for us doesnot really help because we add your pain to our own.

12. There are many differentkinds of people who are offenders. It does not matter that theyare charming or attractive or wealthy. Anybody -- from any socialclass or ethnic background, with any level of education-- may bean offender. Sexual abuse is repetitive, so be aware of offenderswith whom you have contact. Do not let them continue the cycle ofabuse with the next generation of children.

13. We might not want or beable to talk with you about our therapy.

14. We are afraid we might pushyou away with all our emotional reactions. You can help by:listening, reassuring us that you are not leaving, not pressuringus, touching (WITH PERMISSION) in a nonsexual way.

15. Our therapy does not breakup relationships - it sometimes causes them to change as wechange. Therapy often brings issues to the surface that werealready present.

16. Grieving is a part of ourhealing process as we say goodbye to parts of ourselves.

taken from http://members.aol.com/Pieceov8/pcvmywrl.html