Giving victims a voice

http://www.knoxnews.com/kns/religion/article/0,1406,KNS_315_5308046,00.html

 

 

With task force and training, ET ministry leaders of various faiths uniting to speak out against domestic violence

By MILLETE BIRHANEMASKEL, birhanemaskelm@knews.com
January 27, 2007

It was almost the death of her, but Mary Hawk was determined to keep her promise the second time around.

So for eight years, she withstood the beatings and made excuses forher husband's behavior. She even made accommodations for the abuse - inone instance asking her dentist to remove her bottom teeth to preventhim from knocking them out one by one.

In desperation after he brandished a gun and threatened to killher and their two children, Hawk turned to her minister. But that onlyleft her more confused.

She said the minister told her a woman should cleave to her husband.

"Even if he is about to kill you?" Hawk said she asked.

Her minister's haunting answer was, "He is the head of the household."

Therein lies the problem, David Kitts will tell you.

Victims of domestic violence "are turning to the faithcommunity," Kitts said. "(And) they're getting mixed messages, (suchas) 'Oh, well, if you just pray about it and go back to yourrelationship, everything will be OK.'"

Today and Sunday, at the pulpit or in their respective placesof worship, area clergy from several denominations and faiths will bandtogether to speak out against domestic violence.

Kitts, who works in the Knoxville Police Department, has helpedlead training services for the interfaith Clergy Task Force AgainstFamily Violence.

He said more than 17,000 9-1-1 calls reporting domesticviolence were placed in 2005, and 2,000 orders of protection weregranted.

Twelve people, including four children, were murdered.

Ministry doesn't have a good reputation dealing with domesticviolence, said G. David Lovett, a pastoral counselor whose practiceincludes using spiritual resources as well as psychologicalunderstanding for healing and growth. The task force hopes to changethis trend.

Various faith leaders who spoke during recent training stressedthe importance of forgiveness only after repentance. Others talkedabout women who feel guilty leaving their marriage - such as in Hawk'scase.

"Women feel bound to the marriage covenant, (but) abuse is asin," said Sister Margaret Pam Neal. "By staying in the relationship,you're allowing the sin to continue."

When no one else relayed the message to Hawk, she said Godintervened for her directly. It happened the day her husband told herto line up with their children in the back yard because he was going tokill them.

"I used to hear people say God spoke to them, and I thoughtthey were insane until He spoke to me," Hawk said. "I heard it in myheart. He said, 'Girl, you better run.'"

Hawk said she ran across Tazewell Pike barefoot and crawled through a field until she stopped and rang the doorbell of a house.

She never returned home after that day. Hawk said her husbandwent on to abuse girlfriends and died four years later from a massiveheart attack.

Hawk doesn't blame her minister. She figures he just didn't know what to do.

Hawk finds solace in sharing her story in public when she isinvited, or with women she counsels at the nonprofit Volunteer MinistryCenter, where she said probably four out of 10 women experience abuse.

About the clergy task force, she said: "It's unbelievable. It'sa turnaround that people are acknowledging this. There is hope."

Millete Birhanemaskel may be reached at 865 342-6268.