On remembering 09:01, 2006-Jul-1

The process of remembering - a sort of how it goes.

You start with a bundle of remembered bits - if you think of it like a very short film with all the scenes on a film strip.

Sometimes they go together easy as they all match the time or most often it was an event. A couple of these go together and that can set off a motion that puts lots together. They are a unique jigsaw, one will only fit together with its partner or neighbour else it wont give you back the whole story of that event in its proper sequence. Its more like having a few minutes movie film cut into random lengths and you have to put it together - its not hard when you know the material so well. I feel a way to describe it is could be described like a fat table as I understand it - lose the table and you have lost the order - only difference is that this stuff was stored in a panic situation - it does not get stored and processed correctly because very often in this type of situation you are young and litterally terrified, you are in full survival mode, often laying still and trying to hide - you are terrified and feel you are going to die. The brain does not store these well at those times - it tries to hide it from you so that you can go on and survive regardless of what they do to you at that time.

It becomes an issue later when these memories keep coming back and you feel the need to put that in to its proper perspective and place in the overall sequence of what is often over a very long period of time.

One moves into a life of panic and fear, a life of distrust. You isolate yourself as that is the childhood way you often felt was needed. Hide or go quiet, dont talk to anyone as "they" [priests, nuns and other authorative people] have terrified you even more with their words. You know the power and control they have, you learn of that only because youy cannot break through it to see or feel some power, enough to bring it to a stop. "They" are in the ideal position to show you as anything they want: cheat, liar, sinful, dangerous, mad, deranged. When youy are up against that there is nothing in the belief stakes that is of help to you. You lerarn what unfair is. You learn what the abuse of power is. You learn and start to see the depth of some of the events that occur and how it affects all aspects of the way the "they" interact with parishoners and how a few words can destroy a whole family.

It gets really bad if you have pissed them off to the point where someone appears to listen to you. Thats when the most power is used and it can call on a whole congeragation. Thats when you are up against something that is working very hard against you, it has resources and the weight of numbers as well as its religious position and creeds to tout in its favour.

This appears to go up the chain within the management part of the system as it is difficult to believe that those managing and relocating offenders on so many occassions. That had to be an inside job. Bishops plead ignorance of the law, ignorance of the facts in regards pedophiles and recidivism.

These statements are made on so many occassions that it beggars belief. When so many cases were reported can only be seen by some research into those 200 The Commission has processed.