McClellan descends on the Vatican

The clergy were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of boys danced in their heads.
And Pope in his red shoes, and Pell in his cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long winter's nap.

When out in the square there arose such a clatter,
Pell sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a Royal Commissioner , riding a deer!

A bespectacled old man, with a head like a melon,
He knew in a moment it must be McClennan.
Peter turned and he looked to the clergy with shame,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Pell! now, Welshe! now, Finnegan , no hope!
Oh, Mulkearns! Oh, McInnerney! oh, Day and Pope!
To the depths of Hell! To Hades for you all!
Now run away! Run away! For it's you that I call!"

And then, in a twinkling, Pell locked all the doors
And kicked out the hookers, the dealers and whores
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney McClennan came with a bound.

He was dressed all in camo, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of warrants he had flung on his back,
And he was packing an uzi, tied up in his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the hair on his head was as white as the snow.

He was angry and pissed, and leapt onto a shelf,
And Pell cried when he saw him, in spite of himself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave Pell to know he had everything to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And killed all the clergy, then called Pell a jerk.
And cuffing Pell's hands, he shrieked like a bat,
Fuck your blood pressure! Now it's Ballarat!

He sprang to his feet, to his deer gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"Pells Coming to Justice. We'll hang him tonight!"