IT'S NOT JUST WOMEN WHO ARE SURVIVORS

31 Jan 2012

The statistics are frighteningly high when it comes to people who have been sexually abused in childhood. We know this.

One in three women, and one in five men will have been sexually abused by the time they reach the age of 16. FACT.

And, while the statistics tell us that there are more women than men that are survivors, why is it that we seldom hear men speaking out andgoing public with their abuse? 

Understandably, it's extremely difficult for anyone to speakpublicly about their abuse, let alone tell the world of their childhoodtrauma via the media.  For all survivors secrecy, shame, guilt, andisolation have all been factors in their ongoing silence, with themajority of survivors not even disclosing their abuse until well intoadulthood. 

I can't help but think that there are so many more men out there who are suffering in silence and alone for fear of the stigma wronglyplaced on this scourge of society we know as childhood sexual assault(CSA). The fact that so many women speak out publicly about their abuse, points the community to the false idea that survivors of abuse are only females.

There are many urban myths bandied about when it comes to CSA, andI'd like to attempt to break down (if not eradicate) some of these myths which inhibit male survivors coming forward, disclosing their assaults, making police statements, seeking help etc.

Urban Myth Number 1 - Boys who are sexually abused go on to sexually abuse others.

One of my personally more hated myths, the Vampire Sydrome (as it is known) is extremely dangerous and damaging for the abuse survivor.  Survivors are NOT destined to become offenders - statistics tell usthis. Another concern is that instead of being seen as a victim whoneeds support and  help, male survivors can be treated as potentialoffender.  It is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexualabuse, although it is VERY important to note that most victims DO NOTbecome offenders.

Urban Myth Number 2 - Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

The greater majority of male survivors I meet tell me a similarstory "I wondered if I was gay".  Whether sexual abuse is perpetrated by a male or female, CSA is damaging in many ways, including the confusion about one's sexual identity or orientation - this is a standard"symptom".

Urban Myth Number 3 - Boys and men can't be "victims".

Society's tough guy image of how men should look, behave and reacthas a lot to answer for!  Men were once children, and children can bevictims, as all children are vulnerable. 

Perpetrators are larger in stature, strength and worldly knowledge - all combining to be power over children, male or female.

Urban Myth Number 4 - If a boy experiences arousal or orgasm he was a willing participant.

Even in traumatic and painful situations, males can and do respondphysically to stimulation. Many survivors feel incredible guilt becauseof their bodies reaction to being abused.  This does not mena that thechild "wanted" or "enjoyed" the experience.

Some perpetrators even use the child's physical response as a bribe to maintain silence.

Urban Myth Number 5 - Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.

The long term effects of CSA on males and females are quitedamaging.  In fact, I often wonder if males are more damaged bysociety's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and bytheir resultant belief that men must "tough it out" in silence.

If you're a male survivor of abuse, or you know someone who is,there is much help, literature and support out there for you to help onyour healing journey. There really is no reason for you to suffer insilence any longer.  Remembering that you were the VICTIM, and that this was not your fault, you should have absolutely no shame nor guilt inwhat happened to you as a child.  And, we as a society must thinkseriously think about the damage being done by perpetuating these urbanmyths and in turn, the ongoing trauma of male survivors.

Survivors Australia has listed many resources for survivors www.survivorsaustralia.org