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Article originally prepared on : 23 November 2010
Article Category: Ian Lawther
MAYBE AN ANSWER
Description: All things considered I have had a wonderful life there have been some major traumas in it the worst of them being having to wa
All things considered I have had a wonderful life there have been some major traumas in it the worst of them being having to watch my sons suffering with C. S .A . Having worked for myself all my working life since the day I finished my Apprenticeship. Except for a two year stint for a huge corporation which is what I base most of my knowledge of corporate absorption of individuality and yes man thinking what a soul destroying experience it was.
I have had many unusual experiences and it is just fantastic to see them all coming together to tell me I am right here right now doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing and when I really think deeply about it I can really only say "THANK YOU GOD." I am going to tell you now about one of the more interesting and unusual little jobs I did.
I was odd jobbing at a Veterinary Clinic when I was asked by one of the young female vets If I could get a piece of 1.5 mm stain less steel 125mm square and put a 2mm wide groove in one side 75 mm long in the middle of that and I had to round the edges and make sure here were no sharp edges, "No problems I said." So I set to work and made this plate not knowing what I was making . I turned up with it completed she thanked me or it and I said 'what is it ' She said it's a castration plate and I crossed my legs and said Ouch and she proceeded to give me an OUCH step by step description of an OUCH Castration.
It works like this the ( gotta tell ya this hurts and my legs are tightly crossed. You grab OUCH the testicles and lift them up about three inches ( its ok fellas we nearly done) and sliding the scrotum into he groove in the stainless steel Plate OUCH bloody OUCH you cut the scrotum and remove the bits that are surplus to requirements (gotta tell you this is bringing tears to my eyes ) sew the scrotum up which is nicely held by my stainless steel plate .
End of description and my male sensibilities are absolutely incensed and this young female vet that I used to like has enjoyed every second of my discomfiture. So I snatched the plate out of her hand and said be back in a minute. I went down into my work room and I inscribed on that offensive OUCH little plate . DELILAH ONLY CUT OFF SAMSONS HAIR. And I signed it No Cheer Ian Lawther. Boy was that used to be nice little vet uncomfortable. She did see the funny side after a while and the inscripted plate became quite a conversation piece.
Ten years later I got a phone call from a vet supplier in England wanted to know if I could make him 20 of the plates complete with inscription , I said sorry I am far too busy. Now it is my suggestion that IF a man has to take a vow OF CELIBACY THERE ARE GOING TO BE SURPLUS DANGLY BITS so lets get rid of them That's the end of of this post Eye is stuffed, may have to take Roy up on his kind offer to do some secretarial work for me. No black patent leather on her shoes though you clever little secretary Roy.
This is all tongue in cheek o course but would it be any crueler than conscripting a man to a life of loneliness which has become a global disgrace any way. there are still lessons to be learnt from history this is what the ancient Egyptians did to any man that was going to be near their harems. So lets remove them.
Being a dedicated Permaculturist I am looking for suggestions as to uses for the bits that are surplus to requirement.I know in the bush they are called bush oysters and are called quite a delicacy. The other thing I am looking for is inscription for the stainless steel plates. I thought maybe No use hanging round here is there. Bush oyster barby coming up!!!
Cheers Ian Lawther
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